Missus - at the time the lady I was dating - wasn't happy.
I'd been driving the BMW 5 Series (E60 520d) back in January of 2008. It was a crisp winter afternoon and I thought it'd be a good idea to drive to the hills - Shimla maybe, or Kasauli. Seemed like a novel thing to the better half as well. It was a weekend - we left on Saturday at around 7am. Roads were appreciatively free of traffic and we made a brisk exit from Delhi. Fog wasn't being an issue either. Great - it'll be one enjoyable drive and we'll have a lot of fun then!
As it turned out, we didn't. The 5 wasn't really the best car to drive out to the hills. And yet, it was. The entire experience was terrifying for me. Predicament time - images of various consequences flashed by. The passenger of the opposite gender of humankind was to be the one I'd propose a couple of years down to marry me, but at that moment, all I wanted to do was to tell her to shut the f$#k up and let me enjoy the drive. As you may imagine, I chose the most obvious option - blocked the thoughts and drove to her satisfaction.
Mercifully, my companion tends to sleep quite a fair bit when on a roadtrip. Whenever she would doze off, I'd go mental on the gas pedal with the 5. That would make her sit up instantly - so the motoring pleasure would last barely a few seconds. Bummer.
But those few precious moments would form a beaming smile on my face. That's what an exciting car should do - and this was just an ordinary 520d. It wasn't even the 5 Series from BMW's M division!
Chris Bangle has been blamed globally for his controversial designs, but he did a fine job with the E60 in my view. It did look a bit peculiar, but E60 had a look that was weirdly attractive. And its M version packed in performance that would easily shift a few organs in the body.
BMW's M (Motorsport) division has been responsible for increasing enthusiasts' the blood flow rate exponentially for over four decades (they started doing their thing back in 1972) and the 5 Series has been getting the M treatment for 30 years now. In fact, that's why I'm writing this piece - it's the M5's 30th anniversary. Woo-hoo!
My absolute favourite M5 is the E39 platform. It looks eternal and defines the saying "Wolf in Sheep's clothing". Yes, many would argue that it all started with the E28 and that no other M5 can match the purity of driving pleasure the E28 delivered. I agree, but somehow, my heart beats just that bit faster for the E39. At this point, I'd point you to another famous saying - to each his own. The E39 sold with a 4.9-litre V8 which produced 394bhp and 500Nm. And it had a proper 6-speed manual - delightful! I'm getting really wrong emotions thinking of it now!
The E39's predecessor, the E34, was hand built and was based on the 535i chassis. But the moment the chaps at the M division got the chassis, almost everything that was responsible for mechanical performance was dumped and new, more focused bits were fitted in. The transformation of what was a stock 5 Series to the revered M5 took about half a month. There was initially a 3.6-litre 310bhp engine that was bolted in, but when it was on its last legs, BMW gave it one final shot of adrenalin with 335bhp pumping out of a 3.9-litre heart.
Introduced in 2005, the E60 M5 had to face a lot of criticism, basically because of the shape Chris Bangle gave it. Not many approved of it, and almost everyone thought it was quite stupid. I think the E60 5 Series looked rather nice, if odd. Odd works for me, you see.
Anyway, as a mechanical product, that M5 was pretty bang on! 5.0-litre, V10, 507 horsepower - it was like a Viking in the land of farmers. It was stupidly, unbelievably fast for a family sedan! BMW showed the world, once again, what a performance saloon car should be like.
But the E28 is where it all started. That discreet, quite straightforward and gentlemanly looking 5 Series body hid a firepower of performance - 3.5 litres of metallic orgy that resulted in simply-obscene-for-its-time 282bhp and 340Nm. This engine was based on a motorsport engine which BMW fitted in the legendary 3.0CSi as well.
For the latest generation, BMW dropped the 'E' nomenclature and produced a platform called F10. So, the F10 M5 that we get now is a neck-spraining family sedan that drives via a 4.4-litre bi-turbo V8 that generates 552bhp and 680Nm. The F10 is also the most synthetic M5 ever. It doesn't lend you that feeling of being alive that the E39 manages, and the turbo V8 that replaces the E60's naturally aspirated work of metal art isn't as soulful.
Still, in today's world of artificial fun-givers, even the F10 M5 is one of those rare automotive examples that can let you have some good 'ol fashioned enjoyment. But it's no E28, or E39 that the M5 once was. Happy 30th birthday, M5 - here's hoping you'd get better over time. And by that, I mean get closer to what you once were - pure and exciting. For me, the E39.
